Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
