fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
