Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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