Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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