I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
