The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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