look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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