apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
