You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
