On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I want to be your penis for a week.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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