Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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