He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
