honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
