Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
