Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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