There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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