she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
