i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
