Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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