Jerry, you need to find god
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
