3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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