It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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