then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
