just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
