Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
