I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
