My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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