i think i have two assholes
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
