you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
