I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
