Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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