Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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