No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize