hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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