sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
