i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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