Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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