While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
