I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
