cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
