12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
