Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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