It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
