Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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