he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize