wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
