you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
