Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
