The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
