you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
