Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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