Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
