She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
whose parrot is this?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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