life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
