You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
