No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
