So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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