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I'm going to jail i love you
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
