How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
