you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
