she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
