I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
