i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
