i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
