So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
