This girl is more easily done than said...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
