He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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