i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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