i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
