It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
