He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
