STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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