You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
