I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
