You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
